Reality || A Heart-to-Heart

    

OUTFIT DETAILS

Top || Cardigan || Jeans || Boots

2019. WOW, still saying that date just sounds so crazy. But, we say that every year, right? I’ve talked about it before, but 2018 was such a weird and interesting year. So many big life events happened that truly altered my life! I learned so much and still have so much I want to work on and learn for 2019. One of the HARDEST realities I’ve faced is managing this blog and my platform. I know that sounds so…. dramatic….but it couldn’t be more true.

2018 Dream

January 1, 2018: I wrote down my blog goals for the year. I had been listening to ANY and EVERY podcast out there talking about being an entrepreneur, blogging, and standing out from the crowd. I’d read every blog post, watched every YouTube video….let’s just say; I’d done my research! So, the first of the year, I thought I knew exactly what to do to achieve my blogging goals and become a BLOGGER. Not just a “wanna be” blogger…but a true Blogger with a capital “B”. Someone who could inspire others, help others, and make a living out of their passion.

What were my goals you might ask? OH man. They are so outlandish I am embarrassed to even share them. But, when I close my eyes and truly evaluate what I wanted in 2018…. those goals are still at the front of my mind…

1. Go to NYFW (New York Fashion Week) in the Fall
2. Get 100k on instagram (thats 100,000 eye balls…)
3. Work with Kate Spade…even a small campaign!
4. Work with Nordstrom….even a small campaign…
5. Host a meet up
6. Post workout content

Those were my top goals. And at the beginning of 2018, they seemed SO achievable. I had already hit that milestone 10k on instagram…something that took me not months, but YEARS to achieve. I thought for sure once I hit that, it would be nothing but up from there! Brands would be e-mailing me like crazy to work with me and my influence would spread. Ohhhhh man…

2018 Reality

It’s funny how we can idolize things. When you are 14 you just think “if only I were 16. THEN, life would be better/cooler/etc.”. Then, you reach 16 and think…oh shoot…not what I expected. But, when I’m 18….wow I’ll just be so cool! And so the cycle continues..

Blogging is sort of the same thing. When you first start out you think, “once I hit 1k followers, I’ll be happy!”. But, the funny thing about putting your hope into a number and on OTHER people, is that your hope is often faltering and you never feel “enough”.

You can get so caught up in the numbers. It’s so easy to say you won’t, but it is human nature to care about what other people think (even if you say you don’t care..). To be completely honest, 2018 was the year of hard numbers for The Glamorous Blonde. I had some pretty HIGH highs. When the likes were coming in, maaaaan they were coming in. I would go weeks getting record high engagement on my blog posts, instagram posts, comments, everything. I posted one photo of Andrew and I at the beach and got over 250 FOLLOWS (which was big for me). From one post! I was soaring.

I was so excited that I immediately told Andrew the good news: “BABE!! Look! Over 200 people followed me from this picture!! THATS CRAZY!”. I had never experienced such growth so quickly before. Seeing that number jump over night made me want success even more. That sounds like such a pride thing…but really, what my HEART felt was that I just wanted to share my journey with other people. I wanted to talk with people. I wanted to share my love for fashion, fitness, beauty, hair with others who like that stuff too! Seeing over 200 people look at my post and choose to give me a follow after looking at my content made my heart so happy! I must be doing something right! (finally…). I started getting GOOD engagement on simple things like coffee photos. MAN…I finally “made it” as a Blogger.

Shortly after that spike in numbers, I started noticing inconsistency with my instagram posts. Posts that I thought would surely get the likes/comments/shares/etc. ended up flopping. I did lots of polls asking my readers what they wanted to see. Clearly they weren’t liking SOMETHING because I got unfollows, hardly any likes, no more comments….it just felt like I was posting and screaming, “HELLO!!??! Anyone out there???”. It felt so lonely and isolated. And confusing. I was so so so confused. What did I do wrong?

I heard from other podcasts that “Quality Content is King”. So I started posting more of my Blog Photos (professional shots). Surely that was “good content”. I even talked to a few photographers to see if we could shoot. This would end up costing me hundreds to thousands of dollars on photos that I would only use once….but that would make my blog good, right? Because Quality Content is KING.

I remember being so proud of this shot. It was high-fashion, editorial, I had on a killer outfit, and it was TRENDY. How could this not perform well? LOL. Joke was on me. This was a total flop. I was again, left feeling so, so confused.

After that flop, I took to the polls again. This time, my readers said that they liked iPhone pictures better than professional pictures. Okay! Finally! The answer to my riddle has been solved. I have been getting less engagement because they don’t want to see professional images anymore. They want iPhone. SURELY I can offer that! So I posted iPhone….only to have those pictures flop too.

Okay…that’s fine. Maybe its the type of content my readers aren’t liking!!! Let’s do more How to Style posts…that gets a lot of engagement on my insta stories! So I posted more fashion friendly posts. Again…flop…

Nearing the End of 2018

2018 I just could NOT figure it out. Everything I tried gave me a different reaction. I posted terrible quality photos that would SOAR. So many likes, comments, shares, saves, etc. Then, I would do that again and it would flop. I couldn’t figure out why some of my posts would be a success, but when I recreated the same thing, it would totally tank. Like, Titanic tank.

Even with all of those ups and downs, I still managed to grow my following to something I was proud of. I really loved chatting with my readers over on Instagram and the occasional blog post comment. After all, that’s the whole point of social media…to be social.

I hit 17.1k on December 22, 2018. I felt like I was on top of the world. I was going to even post about it on instagram, saying thank you to all of you and introduce myself to my new “followers”. That night turned out to be the happiest night of the year when my boyfriend proposed to me! Could that day get ANY better?! I thought…man…. my blog is growing. I’m finally going to marry my best friend, life just is so good. 

When I posted about my engagement on Instagram the following day, I was in for a surprise. Over the course of 2 days, I had lost 150 followers. WHAT. I thought for sure people would love seeing my Wedding content! I mean… I lived for that stuff. And, I was so happy! But, it was only 150….. I still had that 17k!! Still celebrate! Ebbs and flows of instagram….nothing else.

Well.. Over the course of 2 weeks, my followers have gone from 17.1k to almost 16.8k again. Over 300 followers have left. I know that seems so dismal and like….who cares? But when you are trying to build your blog….all brands seem to care about are numbers. Number of likes, number of followers, number of views, number, number, NUMBER.

Realization

I don’t know if it is coincidence, reality, algorithm, ghosts, or whatever that might have caused my numbers to fall so quickly….. but it really does bug me. I feel SO INADEQUATE. How can I call myself a blogger when my numbers say something else? Even just now, I posted a picture that my followers said they wanted to see more of….only to have that one FLOP again. WHAT is going on?

I’ve had so many thoughts of quitting. “What’s the point of blogging?”, I ask myself constantly. I have had this blog since 2015. That’s over 3 years of posting, content creating, photoshoots, clothes, e-mails, tears, highs, lows, you name it. It can be sooooo draining to put all this love and effort into something and not see anything from it. There are bloggers out there who started in 2018 and already have 200k on instagram. Those numbers affect me. Comparison is the thief of joy. But how do you stop comparing yourself when it is in front of you constantly?

I was feeling very low about my blog this month. Nothing seemed to be going right. I just couldn’t figure it out. This year, when I made my New Years Goals, instead of putting blog goals down, I simply wrote “stop looking at my numbers”. That’s probably the biggest and most challenging goal ever written for me…

God has a funny way of pushing your boundaries, opening your eyes, and doing little things that make the biggest impact. I was feeling down about my blog when I got a direct message from someone I never speak to. This person just wanted to “randomly” say that they love my blog and my content. It was so sweet. Completely made my day!

Then, another follower messaged me and said something about reading my last blog post. They were sharing how all of their friends read my blog, too. Oh, and her mom loved my blog. Oh and everyone loved my hair tutorial (that I posted 2 hours before this message) on YouTube.

I just sat back and was in COMPLETE shock. First off, she reads my BLOG? Secondly….she actually finds value in it? That was crazy..

It was a total “God Moment”.  These followers had no idea how down I was feeling about it. They had no idea how close I was to completely giving it all up.

It was then that I realized that numbers DON’T matter. Sure, my followers are descending rather quickly (hahha). Sure, my posts don’t get nearly the same amount of engagement as they used to. Sure, I had over 300 people unfollow me after I got engaged. But those numbers don’t matter.

If I can positively impact even ONE person out there, that makes it worth it. I spend countless hours a week creating content, coming up with ideas, writing blog posts, newsletters, editing YouTube videos, and the list goes on. What makes it all worth it isn’t the number of social media followers I have, the number of likes I get, or the number of shares. What makes it worth it is the fact that I LOVE what I post, I LOVE helping people, and I LOVE connecting with YOU.

Now what?

When my numbers first started dropping, I thought I had to change. I had to be more trendy, fake, whatever. My photo editing had to be more trendy. I had to be skinnier….needed to get my extensions back, I needed this, this and this. I had to spend $800 a month on professional photos I would never use again. I had to spend TONS of money on clothes I would probably wear once. I had to keep up with the mega bloggers who seemed to have it all.

The truth though, is that none of that matters.  None of that actually WORKS. Sure, it works for some people (trust me, I’ve seen it), but it will never work for me. I just can’t do that. I can’t act that way. I value myself, my blog, and my true readers way too much to sell out. To mold myself to others. I know somewhere out there, someone is reading this and loves my current content. Sure, I’m not Miss Perfect. But who wants to follow Perfect all the time?

I want to post what I like and not worry about numbers. I have been dreaming of posting a Wedding Series for years now (haha sorry Andrew). I’ve always wanted to document my Engagement. So when I saw the quick decrease in followers when I got engaged, I immediately thought I couldn’t post wedding related content because people didn’t like it. WHAT. That is CRAZY. I like it….isn’t that what makes The Glamorous Blonde my blog?

What I’ve learned throughout this process is that the true followers and readers will stick around no matter what. Y’all are like my best friends. You want to know what I’m wearing today because you like my style. You want to hear about my work because you are invested in my life. You want to hear about me and Andrew because you’ve seen our relationship on social media and are curious about our life! It’s like we are all friends…just maybe in different cities. THAT is the kind of following I want. Not numbers. I want TRUE readers.  The kind that doesn’t back out. 

So, if you are reading this, THANK YOU for supporting me, reading my blog, and always being there to like, comment, DM me, you name it. It doesn’t go unnoticed and I am constantly in shock that YOU take the time out of your busy life to come to my little corner in this world. Sometimes, I do get discouraged…but it’s only because I am such a dreamer. I always have big DREAMS and goals for myself…so when I don’t reach those, it can really hurt my soul. 2019 is the year of learning how to not let this affect me so much.

Love you all! Thanks again for reading! And stay tuned for Wedding content…because that’s what I like.

If there is something you want to see more of, please comment! I love hearing from you all and every opinion is valued.